Time To Vent

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Welcome To My Sanctuary
 Sometimes the littlest things will remind me of you, and I swore to myself I would never sit down and write another word regarding you, but I guess I just have to put it out there. After I sit down and really think about this past year, all I think to myself is the word “why?” After all the love I gave to you, why would you lose yourself? Why would you become somebody that would chose drugs and a demeaning lifestyle over the people that loved and cared about you so much? Why would you turn to lying and scheming to the point where your betrayal effected everyone around you? Why would you let yourself lose everything? Why would you become such a dark and unlovable person? I always told myself I could find the good in everyone and anyone. And I’d still like to believe that I could, but when it comes to you.. I just don’t know anymore. I feel as if who you used to be is long gone. When I looked into your cold, dark eyes for the last time I knew you were gone. I could never hate you though. Or actually, maybe I could. Especially during those times when I’m so hurt I don’t know what to do with my extreme levels of frustration anymore, but that fades and I realize I’m just hurt. I just feel betrayed. And I shouldn’t be doing this right now. Hell, I know deep down inside I should just continue to live my life happily without you, but I can’t pretend I never met you. I can’t pretend I never loved you. I can’t pretend I never cared. Because truth be told, I did. More than anything. It just hurts to know that a little form of rock meant so much more to the person who was your everything rather than you did. It just hurts to know that that person would completely damage you to the point of complete trauma. I hope one day you realize what you did. I could never in my life damage a person the way you damaged me. One day we’ll both wake up, and this will all just be a faint memory. You won’t remember much of me and I won’t remember much of you. Just that we were young dumb kids in an extraordinary love. It’s just an awfully scary thought knowing that someone you knew inside and out is a complete stranger to you now. Someone who was your everything is just a part of your past. Someone you planned your whole life around turned into just another life lesson. Just another experience. All I keep repeating in my head is the word “why?” And I know damn well I will never get my answer. I guess I’ve been wondering why for a quite a while now. When I watched you literally slip through my fingers and fall into a place so deep there was no hope for you to return. I don’t know who you are anymore, but I know who you used to be. I’d like to hang onto those memories. I’d like to imagine that it wasn’t all too bad. Because it wasn’t. Honestly, there were moments that up until this day still touch my heart, but that doesn’t change the fact that there were many more moments that completely tore me apart. Life goes on, so I will too. I won’t dwell on the past and the negative, but I sure as hell won’t forget it this time. Because what you did was unforgivable, and I will always remind myself of what the reality of the situation is. No more stupid “blinded by love” mentality. Because truth be told, I’m not in love with you anymore. And that’s so sad. Because I know what I felt for you was special, but you’re not the same person, you never will be. And that’s okay. Because you just put me one step closer to my actual destiny. Everyone has a purpose in this world, and I’m on a life long journey trying to discover what mine is. You helped me get one step closer to that. I could go on for hours, but I’d much rather not. This is already getting to be too much for me. And tomorrow I’m going to wake up and go back to living my life just as I have been.